Well, if we didn’t mind it- she didn’t recommend it , but there was a little bar half a mile down the road. We waited to hear no more; we picked up our bags and ran.

(After J.K.Jerome)

Running for Governor

A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great State of New York ? to run against Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank on an independent ticket. I felt that I had an advantage over these gentlemen? And that was – good character. It was easy to see by the newspapers that if ever they had known what it was to have a good name? That time was gone. It was evident that in the last years they had become familiar with all kinds of shameful crimes . what discomforted me was having to hear my name mentioned in connection with those of most disreputable people. Finally, I wrote my grandmother about it. Her answer came quick and sharp. She said , “ You have never done one single thing in all your life to be ashamed of – not one. Look at the newspapers – look at them and you will comprehend what sort of characters Messrs. Smith and Blank are, and then see if you are willing to lower yourself to their level and enter a political campaign with them.”

It was my very thought! I did not sleep a single moment that night. But after all what could I do? I was fully committed and must go on with the fight. As I was looking over the papers at breakfast this paragraph attracted my attention and I may truly say I never was so surprised before.

“ PERJURY – Perhaps now that Mr. Twain is before the people as a candidate for Governor, he will explain how he was charged . with perjury in Wakawak,, Cochin-China in 1863 , when he attempted to rob a poor woman and her family of their land which was their only support after the death of her husband. Mr. Twain owes it to himself as well as to the great people whose suffrage he asks , to clear this matter up. Will he do it?”

I was never so amazed, because I never had seen Cochin-China! I never had heard of Wakawak! I did not know what to do , I let the day do by without doing anything. The next morning the same paper had this- nothing more:

“IMPORTANT – Mr. Twain , it will be noticed, has said nothing about the Cochon-China perjury”.

Next came the Gazette with this:

“WANTED TO KNOW – Will the new candidate for Governor explain it certain of his fellow citizens (who are suffering to vote for him) the fact that his cabin-mates in Montana after losing things from time to time and always finding them on Mr. Twain’s person or among his belongings ,at last made him leave the camp and advised him never to return? Will he do this?”

But I was never in Montana in my life!

The next newspaper article that attracted my attention was the following:

“ A SWEET CANDIDATE- Mr. Twain , who was to make a speech at the mass meeting of the Independents last night, didn’t come . A telegram came from his doctor stating that he had been injured in an accident and had to stay in bed. The Independents tried to pretend they did not know what was the real reason of his absence. A certain man was not Mark Twain himself. The voice of the people demands: “Who was that man?”

it was incredible, absolutely incredible , that it was really my name that was connected with this shameful suspicion.

Three long years had passed over my head since I had tasted whisky , wine or beer!

By this time the leaders of my party insisted that I answer all the charges as it would be political ruin for me to remain silent any longer. Besides, the following appeared in one of the papers the very next day:

“BEHOLD THE MAN !- the Independent candidate still m maintains silence. Look upon your candidate, Independents !”

There was no possible way of these charges. But I never finished the task. For the very next morning a paper charged me with new even more shameful crimes. And , at last, as a climax , nine little children of different colour were around the legs and call me Pa!

I gave it up. I surrendered . I was not equal to the requirements of a Gubernatorial campaign in the State of New York and so I sent in my withdrawal from the candidacy.

(After Mark Twain)

The Fan They Had

( Isaac Asimov who wrote this story is also a well-known scientist. In this story he described school of 22^nd century. In the opinion of children living in 22^nd century , their great grandfathers must have had a lot of fun going to school.)

Margie even wrote about it that night is her diary . On the page headed 15 may 2155 she wrote, “ Today Tommy found a real book!”

It was a very old book . Margie’s grandfather once said that when he was a little boy his grandfather told him that there was time when all stories were printed on paper.

They turned the pages , and it was awfully funny to read words that stood still instead of moving the way they were supposed to – on a screen, you know.

“ Gee”, said Tommy? “ Whate a waste! When you’re though with the book , you just throw it away , I guess. Our television screen must have had a million books on it and it’s good for plenty more. I wouldn’t throw it away.

“Same with me ,” said Margie . She was eleven and hadn’t seen as many telebooks as Tommy had. He was Thirteen.

She said , “ Where did you find it?”

“In my house. In the attic.” He pointed without looking , because he was busy reading.

“ What’s it about?”